Monday, September 6, 2010

Christy (chapter 13)

It started with googling adoption. My whole world opened up to chat rooms, blogs, websites and message boards. I searched adoption agencies and facilitators and was jolted back to reality when I saw the costs involved. There was absolutely no way we could afford tens of thousands of dollars again to adopt. It only took a couple of weeks to realize that because of the momumental fees, my only hope was a private, independant adoption. I joined forums and bonded with women who also longed to adopt. I discovered postings of pregnant women who were scared and unsure how to handle their baby and reached out for help.

I was moved by the posting of one particular pregnant woman named Christy. According to her posting, she was a young, single mother of a two year old daughter named Jasmine. She worked in a home for abused women and said she couldn't afford to raise another child alone so she was considering adoption. I was moved by Christy. I felt sorry for her as I could feel the desperation in her voice and I sent her an email.

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Christy,

I saw your posting online today and my heart went out to you. Because you are considering adoption, I hope you don't mind me telling you a little about myself and my family.

My husband and I will be married 8 years on New Year's Eve. We live in a rural town in Tennessee. We began trying to have a baby right after we got married.

It didn't take long to figure out it was going to be hard for me to get pregnant, so we began infertility. We endured almost 4 years of infertility treatments and heartbreaking miscarriages. Because we wanted to adopt whether we had biological children or not, we decided to go that route. We had a local adoption that fell through the day the child was born and I think it was even harder than the past heartbreaks we went through. We constantly worried about the baby...was he hungry...was he cold...was he being held and loved.... It was so hard coming home to an empty nursery. After a couple of months we found out that the baby was healthy and happy and we were able to "let him go."

We were finally chosen by a birthmother in Tulsa, Oklahoma and we hit it off with her immediately. We flew down and spent the weekend with her and her family before the birth of our daughter. Less than 3 months after our birthmother chose us, we were blessed with the birth of our daughter. We promised Jana, our birthmom, two things...1. We would always provide Kennedy with unconditional love and support and give her the best life possible. 2. Jana would never have to worry about Kennedy because she would always have a line of communication open to her. We still enjoy this open relationship with Kennedy's birthmother.

Because we waited so long to be parents, we have never taken our daughter for granted. I've heard so many parents say things like they couldn't wait until their son started sleeping through the night....they couldn't wait for their daughter to start walking....they couldn't wait for her to start school, etc. Believe me, we've never felt that way. We feel blessed for every second we have with her.

My husband is a good provider for us, so I am able to be a stay home mommy. We have so much fun together....going to the zoo or aquarium, visiting family, working outside in the flowers, or just staying home and watching a movie or baking goodies for daddy. We also have a 17 year old foster daugher who joins in on the fun as well!

Please Christy, let me know if you have any questions for us. Also, even if you decide to keep that precious baby or if you decide on another couple for adoption, I'd love to be your friend if you need someone to talk to. I thank God for brave women like you who love their children so much that they can give them up if they have to. For without them, I would never get to be a Mother. We want our children't birthmoms in their lives. We want to develop trusting friendships with them as well.

Please contact me if I you'd like to talk. I'll be happy to also give you a phone number as well or will be happy to call you to save you the money.

You're in my thoughts and I pray God will give you direction, strength and peace.

Lori

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Just two days later, a lump formed in my throat when I saw the email waiting for me from Christy.

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From: Christy Miller
To: Lori Coleman
Subject: Re: courageous choice posting
Date: Mon, 14 Nov 2005 12:36:31 -0800 (PST)

Thanks for your email you sound so nice and hlpeful. YOu seem so nice and easy to talk too. Just what I am looking for.

How are you doing? I am not feeling so well today, hoping its not the flu.
You sound very nice and I have gotten a lot of emails from people and for some reason your have stuck out to me.

How old is your daughter now??



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And my response:

Uh oh...i'll pray it's not the flu. I don't know what the weather is like

now where you are, but it's kinda dreary and rainy. Hopefully, you're just feeling yucky because of that....we'll hope that's it anyway.

My daughter just turned 4 in October. I'll send you a pic of her in her Halloween costume.

Like I said, we're also in Tennessee...in the far southeastern county...near cleveland and not far from chattanooga or knoxville. I'll be happy to answer any other questions you may have. As far as my email sticking out to you...I feel that God sends you what you need when you need it...maybe you need me as an adoptive mother....maybe you need me as a friend to give you encouragement and prayer....maybe i need you as well. i think when something is right, you just "click" and know it in your heart.

I'm also on yahoo and sent you an im under flowergoddesslori.

hugs to you and hope to hear from you soon,

Lori

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That night, her instant message popped up on my screen. We spoke for an hour about her life and her situation. Christy told me her mother lived in Ohio and they were somewhat estranged. She didn't speak of her father at all, but had a close relationship with her brother, who also lived in Nashville. She was raising Jasmine alone as the child's father abused her both emotionally and physcially. She had taken Jasmine with only the clothes on their backs and a couple of bags of necessities and left the violent man. She was depressed because she always put up her Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving and she had to leave those things behind. She said Jasmine kept asking for lights and as a mother, she felt she was disappointing her daughter. She was concerned about having enough money for groceries that week and was low on gas for her car. The more she told me, the more my heart broke. As maternal as I am, I just wanted to take care of this girl. It wasn't about me adopting the baby. It was about me being her friend.

Christy told me how she had received hundreds of emails from women begging to adopt her baby. There was one woman named Jackie from New York that was particulary disturbing to her. According to Christy, she had contacted Jackie after finding interest in her email. She said that after a couple of phone conversations, Jackie began "stalking" her. Christy said she had to have her phone number changed and had to change work locations because Jackie was calling her constantly. I personally had seen postings from a woman named Jackie from New York that was writing that she was adopting a baby from Nashville. To be honest, I was a little disturbed by this too!

Christy and I talked on the computer every night for the next couple of weeks. Then, on Thanksgiving Day, she called. She told me she was leaning toward placing her baby with me and asked if I could drive to Nashville the following day to meet her. When I arrived at my relative's house for dinner, the entire family was excited, yet reserved at the news. Of course, no one wanted to see us go through the heartbreak of losing another baby, but everyone knew how I longed for another child. I tried to ease their minds and I shared with them Christy's sincerity and honesty with me. I had even more that Thanksgiving to be thankful for...I knew that next year, Kennedy would have a new baby brother or sister.

That night, sleep didn't come as I tossed and turned with the excitement of meeting Christy and imagining my life with another baby in just a few short months. Tomorrow's meeting would either bring with it the joy of knowing I would become a mother again or the disappointment of realizing it wasn't meant to be.