Watching the clock (chapter 14)

When I returned from Thanksgiving dinner, I waited for the phone call from Christy confirming a time to meet the following day. I had a lump in my throat and a horrible "gut feeling" that something was wrong. Christy had called collect the day before so I had no way of getting in touch with her except through email. I sent her a note asked her to contact me and let me know if she was ok and if she still wanted to meet. My heart ached for another baby and I was so hopeful that this was the opportunity I had been praying for. I was also concerned about Christy. She was so hopeful and excited when we spoke and I was worried something had happened to her.

In the conversation the night before, Christy confided in me that Jasmine was upset because they didn't have a Christmas tree to put up the day after Thanksgiving. Christy explained that her ex husband had kicked she and Jasmine out with just the clothes on their backs. I couldn't stand the thoughts of them not having a Christmas tree, so I bought them a tree, lights and ornaments with the hopes we might could even decorate it together. Concerned that Christy didn't have enough for herself and Jasmine, I also cleaned out mine and Kennedy's closet and ended up with bags full of toys, shoes and clothes for both of them. This young mother was trying so hard to make a life for her and her daughter that I just wanted to help ease the burden in any way I could. I couldn't wait to help them and hopefully, make things a little easier for Christy.

Though thankful for the diversion of packing my jeep, I couldn't deny there was still no word from Christy. I slept with the phone on my pillow and got up several times during the night to check my email.

The next morning, I tried my best to go about mine and Kennedy's regular routine, but I couldn't take my eyes off the clock and my hand off the phone. As the day crept by, I realized that the meeting with Christy wasn't going to happen. My hopes fell and I tried to keep reminding myself that God had perfect timing and maybe this wasn't in His plan. As a mother through adoption, I hung onto every glimmer of hope I was given. Some might think I should have been more cautious with my heart, but after been given Kennedy, I knew it was worth the chance of getting hurt. It's a desperation. I knew that becoming a mother was in God's hands, yet it was in another woman's hands too. Out of all the women in the world to chose from to raise her baby, she would have to pick me. If she didn't, I would never have another child. I found myself clinging to that one phone call...that one chance...that one baby.

I tried to pass the time by checking my email and visiting several adoption message boards in which I was a member. Upon first contact with Christy, I had posted an inquiry on an adoption scam website about her and had an email waiting on me from a woman named Jackie in New York. I couldn't believe it! It was the same woman that Christy had told me about! I called her immediately and it didn't take long to find inconsistencies in the things Christy was telling each of us. According to Jackie, Christy had chosen she and her husband as adoptive parents and wanted them to come visit her. Christy was telling me she was undecided as to who she would place her baby with. If she had decided to give the baby to Jackie, I was happy she had found the couple she was looking for, but I didn't understand why she would tell me she was undecided. Jackie told me she had tried to call Christy with the number she was given, but it was a disconnected number. I felt horrible telling her I was supposed to meet Christy and I could hear the pain and disappointment in her voice. I got off the phone with her feeling even more uneasy about the situation.

I sat in front of the computer and stared at the second email I had on the Yahoo Adoption Scam Board. It was from a woman named Brenda Baez. Dare I open this email? I had the feeling this email would be from someone else Christy had promised her baby to. Brenda explained to me that she was an adoptive mother who had also been contacted by Christy. She said she lives only 20 minutes away from her and they had met several months before and had became friends. Brenda was matched with another expectant mother, so she wasn't interested in adopting Christy's baby but had become a source of support for her. She said she had taken her to a couple of doctor's appointments and had even babysat Jasmine. She told me that Christy was excited about meeting me and she felt a bond with me. After seeing my post about Christy's validity, she wanted to ease my mind and let me know that Christy was who she said she was....a scared single mother who couldn't raise another child and had chosen adoption. She also said that she was, in fact, still undecided on parents for her baby.

That afternoon, I got another collect call from Christy. She apologized for not getting in touch with me earlier and told me she had been upset all day. She said she had received an email from someone named Jennifer, who had accused her of being a con artist. She was afraid Jennifer had contacted me and i wouldn't want to meet her. She never said where this woman came from or why she had confronted her, and to be honest it didn't matter to me. All I knew was that Christy was upset and shaken at the accusation and it angered me that someone would do such a thing. I assured her that Jennifer hadn't contacted me and I didn't believe she had anything but the best of intentions. Through tears, Christy told me how difficult things were for her. Jasmine's father was refusing to pay child support and though she had pleaded with the courts, they weren't enforcing payment. I assured her I would do anything I could to help her.

I believed her. I believed she was the person Brenda descibed. And even though I prayed she would chose me to be the baby's mother, I would be her friend through this. I cared about her and felt sorry for her. And...I would meet her the following day.