" You have been chosen!" (chapter 3)

In addition to being a born planner, I'm also quite determined. As much as I had grieved for lost babies, I would do anything I needed to do to become a mother. I had finally gotten to the point that I could just do my part, relax, and God would take care of the rest. I absolutely and fully trusted that God would match us with the perfect situation for us and there was no need for me to intervene or worry.

I found a picture in a magazine of the most beautiful baby I had ever laid my eyes on. She was about 9 months old, hispanic with golden olive skin, dark brown hair and dark eyes that lit up the entire picture. Didn't God give you the most precious desires of your heart in His timing? I believed so with all my heart. I carefully cut out the picture and placed it between my praying hands. "Dear God, I'm so thankful you have placed the desire to be a mother within me and I will wait for you to match us with the perfect situation, potential birthmother and baby. I believe that You not only give us the desires of our heart, but You delight in surprizing us with gifts above and beyond our imaginations. Thank you God for working in our lives and the life of the woman carrying our unborn child either now or in the future. In Jesus's name, Amen." We knew our next move. We would try the same route as Sarah* and her husband.

It was an attorney's office in Oklahoma City, OK that specialized in adoptions. When the application came in the mail, I filled it out immediately. Pretty standard questions, then came the one I dreaded... "How much have you budgeted for this adoption?" Sarah* had prepared me and Chris and I had discussed it. If people could borrow money for material things, then we would borrow money to become parents. Then came that gutwrenching term we had to agree to. In Oklahoma, prospective adoptive parents could legally provide 10 months living expenses for the prospective birth mother. In the event she changes her mind after birth, you lose the money you have paid for her expenses. Not only losing a baby, but losing even more money than we already had was scary, to say the least. In addition to the application and fee we also had to send in a scrapbook, of sorts, of our family for potential birthmothers to look through. I worked for about a week creating the perfect book. It was filled with pictures of ourselves, Hailee, and friends and family. I tried to pour every detail of our lives into the book so pregnant women could easily gage whether or not we were the family she was looking for. When it was completed, I sent off the packet with a prayer.

About six weeks after applying to Demastus Law, I was canning fresh salsa when the phone rang. "Lori, this is Deanna at Demastus and I have some news for you." I caught my breath and sat down. Had I filled out something wrong? I waited for her to continue. "A pregnant client has chosen to place her baby with you and she's due in 8 weeks. She's a beautiful, fair skinned, white woman and the birthfather is hispanic. Are you interested?"

It took all of two seconds to squeal, "YES! YES! And YES!" I asked her if Jenn* would like to talk to me and she said she would find out at the ultrasound the following day. We would find out tomorrow the sex of our long awaited baby.

Needless to say, my Grandmother had to come over and finish the salsa because Chris and I were too busy calling everyone we knew with the good news.

The next day, the phone call finally came from Deanna. "I know what you're having! I saw it myself at the ultrasound appointment." I replied, "I know too. It's a girl." A sneaky smile that I'm sure Deanna could sense across the country crossed my face. "How did you know?" She asked. I glanced at the picture hanging on the refridgerator and said, "Because God likes to give His children the desires of their hearts." Of course, we would have loved and cherished a little boy too, but I ached for a daughter. Isn't God good?

That night, I also had my first phone call from Jenn*. She was excited we wanted to parent her baby and we clicked instantly. Jenn* loved her baby and wanted her to have a mother and father. She confessed she had considered abortion and just couldn't go through with it. She had also had a car accident and been held up at knife point all since getting pregnant. "I know God has big plans for her. She is defiantely meant to be your baby." Her mother and stepfather were supportive of her adoption, as was her current boyfriend. We talked for hours and I fell in love with her. Not because she was giving us her child, but because she was an amazing woman with incredible strength. Chris and I decided we would go to Tulsa in two weeks to spend the weekend with her.

I opened the nursery door for the first time in months and let the tears fall down my face into the blanket I, myself, had used as a newborn. I imagined my beautiful baby wrapped in the same blanket and enveloped in the love I already had for her.

Next step? Tulsa.